Thursday, 7 October 2010

12. Harvest Hell

Magpie dancing in the rain outside Church, looking suspiciously ginger (she's not)

The Tank enjoys slipping on damp tiles
Outcasts: The Tank and the Border Terrier puppy

The Harvest Festival display (spot the bite mark)

We decided to brave Church on Sunday.  BIG mistake.  I'm not sure if I am a good Christian, or if I just want to get the girls into the local church school, but when several weeks pass and I realise we haven't put in an appearance, guilt sets in.  In hindsight, I've no idea why.

It was Harvest Festival, and apparently children were to be on best behaviour.  Usually it's a bit of a free-for-all, with over-fives careering down isles with toy cars, toddlers crumbling and babies puking.  Anyway, the girls weren't in the mood for best behaviour, and still have no sense of occasion.  It seems a long time ago that the girls were babes in arms,and beautifully behaved ones at that, milk guzzling with cherubic hands waving.

I now realise that toddlers sitting still is really an oxymoron.  Especially in Church.  I had dressed the girls in their Sunday best, The Tank looking Grace Kelly-esque with uber blonde hair and cream cowl-necked dress and Magpie looking sugar-pie sweet with a cowlick fringe, beige and white spotty cord dress with co-ordinated pink tights and cardi.  My children's elegance was sartorial, but most definitely not behavioural.

During the first hymn, The Tank decided to bite the service sheet, moan, and raise her arms and squirm out of my embrace in split-second speed.  Food was offered, but bribary was deemed out of the question.  I tried to entertain her at the back of the church, but there's only so many marble urns a toddler can slap and only so many benches they can climb before boredness sets in.

Big Daddy (always smug when holding the better-behaved Magpie) soon joined me.  I grinned.  But I was the idiot who suggested we go to Church in the first place.  I  took my eye off the blonde ball for a moment and the Tank tried to do a sprint down the main aisle during prayers.  Meanwhile Big Daddy scooped up a fractious Magpie and took her outside....and scurried over to a tree to shelter from the rain.

Self-exiled but loathe to give up completely, we hung out in the hallway/entrance with only a wimpering boarder terrier for company.  The puppy offered the girls timely distraction.  Then The Tank reached up to a Harvest Festival display and took a bite out of an apple.  Big Daddy tip-toed back in to retrive the buggy and that was the end of our church service.

I daresay putting in an appearance in church with terrorising toddlers in tow isn't as important as getting involved in the parish.  That's (harvest festival) food for thought.


  1. I gather there's no 'Sunday School' type option, whereby the kids are entertained and possibly informed while parents snooze through the sermon?

  2. Thanks for finding me! I have been very remiss at reading other people's blogs for the last month so didn't dream of any new visitors. To answer your question, there is indeed such 'Sunday School' or creche option, but only at the High Church 9.30am service, which I am unlikely EVER to make. Going to the family (mayhem) service conveniently before lunch is one thing, grown-up Eucharist is quite another.

  3. Any chance of a pic of the girls in their sunday best? Their outfits sound adorable! I think parishioners are pretty tolerant on the whole, or should be (didn't Jesus say, "Suffer little children, and forbid them not to come unto me.." etc) and seeing toddlers scampering about having fun livens up proceedings, IMO!

  4. Dearest L

    Yes, technophilia has come to the building - have uploaded pics from iphone - easy peasy but not easy to choose where exactly you want to post the pics....but it's a workin in progress x

  5. I tired church in the summer for my granddaughter's christening and I st and watched the whole ceremony cue tear at the right place whereas my other half ran up and down the church after the two tinkers :)
    Any chance of a post for the Multiple Mayhem Carnival on Monday?

  6. Hi
    Thank you so much for your comments on my blog. I love your blog, are your girls twins?
    Just out of interest, how did you get the British Mummy Bloggers badge up onto your blog? I've tried several times but have failed miserably.
    Tamara x
    PS. So glad your 40 with toddlers, I'm 41, but just with one toddler and one dog (with broken leg)!

  7. Alleluhia - we are not the only ones!!!. I feel your embarrassment. I have been there! Every week we brave the service with Little P dressed up to the nines only for her to perform at the most inappropriate moments, such as carrying a five foot teddy bear (long story) up to the vicar as he was saying prayers! But we keep going back - its like some kind of self punishment!

  8. I think I'll have to convince Big Daddy to brave it again after the last fiasco! But on good days it entertains the girls (for free) in a designated playtime slot (pre lunch and pre lunch time nap - I'm a fascist for routine). Thanks for finding me and I'll head over to your blog(s) asap

  9. We got to church each week and I feel your pain! We used to go to a C Of E high church which looks very similar to yours. Yes we used to be there at 9.15am on a Sunday for creche! lol The family service is later but I am pleased to say best behaviour is not expected from toddler twins - far too much to ask in my experience.

    We now go to a pentecostal church and the girls love to dance, sing and play instruments - it is much less heart stopping for dh and I !

    Mich x

  10. Hi Mich

    Thanks for your comments - I found you in September then (I think?) became too involved in earning money and disappeared temporarily from the blogosphere (beyond my own rushed posts) and haven't been back to your blog - but now I'm up and running again! Anyway, as for church - I'm not sure if we would have the wherewithall to brave the high church grown-up 9.30 service, but if Big Daddy can't face it I guess I could dump the girls in the creche and show my face - I'll let you know how it goes! Will head over to your blog asap x