Thursday, 23 December 2010

17. Pesto & Pain Killers

Answers on a postcard please: What's the connection between a pet passport, a pot of pesto, playing cards and a packet of Cuprofen plus?  And isn't it Christmas?  

If the girls could have at least organised the cards into a royal flush, I would have been impressed

The only drug that works with a toddler-inflamed brain

I have been very remiss this month.  This is my first post of December.  And it isn't even a festive one.  Terrible.  Amazing what happens when you focus on earning money and little else.  Well that has been one of those months.  And my brainpowers being supposedly directed elsewhere, I've had little 'head time' for blogging.  It feels like I've been standing up a good friend.

I am dipping my toe back into the waters of feature film development, working freelance as a script reader and editor.  It's nice to be using the brain again (what's left of it), despite being paid a fraction of what I actually need to earn.   I will give myself two years of being in the chilly freelance backwaters before I get  a proper job.  Hmm.  But what if the figures don't add up?  Not forgetting The Childcare Dilemma and all that.  Anyway, I've always preferred being freelance.  That's probably why we are in a home that's too small, and consequently why we have the problem that I am about to describe.

Big Daddy and I have a way of describing things to our children as either 'legal' or 'illegal.'  Of course, this has nothing to do with the obvious things like drinking alcohol (legal over a certain age) or smoking crack (illegal at any age).  It has to do with things that we class as legal or illegal in relation to our children touching them / playing with them / eating them / drinking them etc.

The problem with the legality or illegality of objects, is that as our girls get taller, many illegal things suddenly come into close reach and are thus deemed legal by little people even though they are entirely illegal.

Illegal items that our children have destroyed / played with / eaten / or made a god-awful mess with:
  • A pot of pesto was somehow taken out of the fridge or off the sideboard - exact location of pesto pot unknown.  (Said pot was spread liberally over floor by girls while their grandmother was doing I know not what).
  •  A pack of playing cards was taken on tiptoe from a kitchen shelf and shuffled with pesto fingers on the floor
  • A fondue toasting-fork was taken from the back (yes the back) of a kitchen cupboard and brandished dangerously
  • A packet of Cuprofen Plus was secreted from a bedroom draw formerly too hard to open (but swiped away just in time)
  • Pet passports, worming tablets and a barely-used 'golden egg' sex-aid were taken from a drawer formerly too high to reach, and were brought to me after breakfast (at least the tablets reminded me to worm the dogs). 
  •  A sewing kit was reached by climbing on a chair and grabbing the potentially offensive weapon from a sitting room sideboard
  • A telephone answer machine was pulled down off a table and de-programmed at Ga's house (Ga is Grandmother).

In fact, the list of of devilish deeds is endless.  I'm guessing we need better storage of our belongings.  Our sitting room / dining room is also the girl's playroom which makes that slightly tricky.

I feel a Zen de-cluttering (and disposal of the golden-egg sex aid) is about to take place.

I'll keep you posted.


  1. This is the first time I've had no comments in several months. Hmm. So here I am. Pull your finger out girl. Christmasy posts at Christmas. No more 'ba, humbug!' :-)

  2. Ha ha - maybe you could send them to jail for breaking so many laws...? Good luck with the work thing and thanks for lovely comments. x

  3. Always funny to read about twin mischief especially since I have a singleton who is 6 months younger so such exploits do not yet exist in my universe! But T loves pulling herself up and grabbing things so my time will come...! Happy New Year! x

  4. Lovely to know you are alive on the other side of the globe! T will catch up before you know it, although I can't imagine her being as naughty as my devilish duo but you never know! Will email you this evening. A new pic of girls (well, The Tank and half of Magpie) on NY post x